


Underbelly: Weight of the World

by Timewaster123456789



Series: Underbelly [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Depression, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Gen, M/M, Men Crying, Sad Clown, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29956467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timewaster123456789/pseuds/Timewaster123456789
Summary: (Mostly) Stand alone one-shots focused on Ichigo and Urahara.
Relationships: Inoue Orihime/Kurosaki Ichigo, Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke
Series: Underbelly [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1006056
Kudos: 10





	1. Regrets

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hiraeth](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/774198) by SesshomaruFreak. 
  * Inspired by [Game](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117098) by [thedrunkenwerewolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedrunkenwerewolf/pseuds/thedrunkenwerewolf). 



> I own nothing. X-mas gift for https://archiveofourown.org/users/GanymedeLullaby99. Don't be misled by the opening it is indeed Ori!bash. Unexpressed Ura/Ichi, Onesided Ori/Ichi.

Tears ran down Orihime's face as she watched the funeral. She'd lost Ichigo before they were even really together. Technically she hadn't asked him out...but surely he had felt the same, saving her all the time, looking out for her and it wasn't like she was useless..she'd healed him lots of times. It sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

 _Yeah, healed him after he rescued you,_ a vicious part of her mind hissed.

 _He tried to rescue everybody, it wasn't just me,_ she thought back. He'd almost died trying to save rukia, and protecting everyone from the arrancar and time after time she healed him just for him to be broken again. A sob tore her chest and she looked around at the thinning crowd looking for him...the bastard that had kept sending him out until he finally didn't come back. Her brave honorable Ichigo killed by that sneaky little...toad.

She scrubbed at her eyes trying for some semblance of composure and stalked over to the blond man who'd finally shown himself to approach the coffin. She felt he face heat with a rage she'd never known before. How dare he show his face, let alone _look_ at her Ichigo. How dare he insinuate himself among her Ichigo's actual friends and admirers, like he cared? Like he'd ever treated her Ichigo as anything other than a weapon? Like he hadn't...

"How dare y-you c-come here like you c-care. People d-don't mourn tools. Y-ou k-k-killed him, t-took him away f-from the pp-ppeople...We care about him and you killed him!" she dissolved into tears collapsing against him.

x

Uruhara held the girl as she snuffled. He'd been stunned when she flounced over and started yelling, but every word had struck home. She was right, he _had_ killed Ichigo, they'd both known it was a near suicide mission before he'd gone. Of course he'd still gone, his courage was one of the many things Uruhara admired about him. He remembered bitterly, when he'd opened his mouth to remind Ichigo why the mission was so vital.

" _Save the manipulation, I'm going," Ichigo had said._

" _Am I so predictable?" he had replied, not missing a beat._

 _He knew he deserved it, knew that Ichigo would never truly be able to trust him, much less reciprocate his feelings, not_ _as long as he was in the position of knowledge broker and cattle prod. He was also fully aware that the situation wouldn't change any time soon, that if it ever did, someone as honest and guileless as Ichigo would still hate him. Hell, he'd hated himself in that moment._

" _It needs to be done. And yes you are," Ichigo had replied with a smirk and left._

He'd been an idiot, thought the boy's bravado and will and his own luck would see them through. It had so many times before...and then it hadn't. That was the last time he seen Ichigo alive. He'd been trying not to think about their final exchange, trying to remember the good times.

He'd never told Ichigo how he felt, he knew the response would be 'fuck you' and in the 'go away sense'. As it should be, he hadn't exactly earned the man's favor. Ichigo'd said more than once that he was treated worse than a whore: they both got fucked repeatedly, by people they didn't like but whores got paid. Uruhara could never quite tell if he'd meant the powers-that-be in Seireitei, Uruhara himself or if he saw no distinction. He'd been too much of a coward to try figuring it out.

"Y-you don't even t-try to deny it," Orihime said pulling back enough to speak but remaining in his embrace

He shrugged around her, "I sent him on the mission. It c-could be argued that I did. No point in denying it," he said forcing his voice into its normal carefree cadence.

"You disgust me!" she snarled pulling away and scrubbing her eyes. He let his hat shield the tears welling in his own. I disgust _me._

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry you lost him," he said genuinely.

"LOST?! You make him sound like a stuffed animal! I d-didn't lose him. You took him from me!" She yelled and the word stabbed into him. He swallowed hard again and turned away, blinking back those damn tears.

"I'm s-sorry I got him killed," he offered.

"Don't walk away from me. You don't get to just walk away, like you did nothing wrong," she grabbed his shoulder. "You're sorry? Like you're sorry you broke a toy? I loved him!" Uruhara closed his eyes, _good god, please stop_. A tear got free.

"I know," he swallowed, "He cared about you too." Her hand was still tugging, trying to force him to face her, then it was gone.

"So did he," Tessei's voice growled, responding to Orihime's statement. Uruhara silently thanked his old friend for the excellent timing.

"No! he didn't care about Ich-Ic..him at all h-he k-killed him," Orihime wailed. Two more tears slipped from his eyes, tracking twin accusing trails down his face and he took a shallow breath.

"You're grief-stricken," Tessai said calmly and Uruhara could feel their reiatsu moving away. Tessai was likely carrying her.

"P-put me down!" yep.

"You are also being a bitch," under other circumstances he would have laughed, he'd never heard Tessai use language like that before. He tried to get some air into his lungs instead and his breath hitched painfully. "Let him mourn in peace."

"He doesn't deserve to," Orihime said bitterly. _No I don't._ Uruhara thought dragging in a harsh gasp. He forced himself to move, slipping around the corner of a nearby building for a little privacy.

Maybe the tremor in his voice had been more obvious than he thought, or maybe Tessai just knew him that well, either way he was grateful. He exhaled, shaky and hitching despite his best efforts as the tears he'd been holding at bay ran from closed eyes. He didn't know how long he stayed there, eventually he must have sat down because he was leaning back against the building, sniffling when he felt Tessai approach.

"Sneaker," Tessai's voice was quiet and pained. Uruhara looked up at the old nickname, Tessai had used it before the concept of sneakers as shoes had gotten around Seireitei. He'd meant it as 'one-who-sneaks'. The older man rarely used it anymore but when he did, it reminded Uruhara of younger days. He laid a comforting hand on Uruhara's should and held out a slip of paper.

"There was a collection of letters among the boy's effects," he explained. Uruhara stared at it in his shaking hand and made a half-hearted attempt to dry his face. On the outside of the folded paper was his own name. He hesitantly unfolded it, dreading the contents and read the short message as his vision blurred again.

_I get tired of rewriting these so just assume that they stand. I'll rewrite them if I have anything new to say._

_Thanks for the training man. I couldn't have protected everyone without it. I kinda wish I'd known you better but I guess you wouldn't be you without the mystery._

_I kinda lied by the way: The only thing predictable about you was that there was always_ some _game. I didn't figure you needed anyone feeding your ego though. Anyway thanks again-Ichigo._


	2. Faded Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. Birthday gift for GanymedeLullaby99. Takes place during the timeskip.
> 
> Written to: Darkside by Grandson.
> 
> Inspired by: SesshomaruFreak's fic 'Hiraeth'. This isn't technically a sequel, but I highly recommend reading that first, it's only 250 words.

Tessai always worried about Urahara. The problem was that he remembered the kid from _before_. Before Aizen, before the Visored and the exile and C46. Before Soul society started using him like their personal messiah, while never rescinding their verdict. All the better to cover their asses if he wasn't formally connected to them.

It was partially Urahara's fault to, he went along with it. Whether it was for the challenge like he claimed, or for guilt or just because he'd never been as detached as he pretended and couldn't turn his back on the innocents caught in the crossfire, Tessai didn't know. He had his suspicions though.

He saw the look in the kid's eyes when Soul society revealed a new level of hypocrisy or used him to do their dirty work and wondered. He always wondered but never asked. Maybe he was scared of the answer.

Urahara had a good heart and for all he played at being the callous man-behind-the-curtain, it was a defense mechanism and nothing more. Never had that been more obvious to him than before the Aizen incident.

_"They're using him," Urahara had said, referring to Ichigo. His tone was casual but his voice shook with rage._

_"They are."_

_The younger man sighed, "Like I used Rukia-san, I have no right to be angry."_

_"That was for the greater good. The hogkoyu had to be protected," Tessai reasoned, though he had found the plan quite objectionable._

_"And C46 would argue that this is, as well. Needs must."_

_"Kisuke…"_

_"Don't, I'm not looking for pity."_

_"You seek something."_

_Urahara shrugged and looked back at the view of Karakura town from the roof they were standing on._

_"Maybe..." Urahara laughed, a bitter, broken sound that Tessai doubted he would have made intentionally, "Maybe I'm looking for an excuse so I can pretend I'm not the badguy in all of this."_

_"Jesus if you're a badguy than so am I."_

_Urahara shook his head, "No,_ _I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Y_ _ou were just being loyal to me and trying to get justice, you knew the truth."_

_"Exactly you've done the best you can given a set of impossible choices."_

_"No I haven't, this is my fault…all of it." Urahara looked like he was about to say something but paused instead. His expression turned grim, "When this thing with Aizen is over, I'm fixing this."_

_"You can't fix everything and it isn't even your job to."_

_"Oh come now," Urahara turned to him with a painfully fake smile, "I can pull anything off, Karakura town's resident man of mystery."_

_Tessai found something unbelievably creepy about that smile but said nothing. He never knew what to say to Kisuke these days. It wasn't like old times when a little advice and a gentle word was enough to chase away the insecurities, the wilder ideas. Or even just the pain that came from a fundamentally gentle—if rebellious—soul being exposed to the darkest, most depraved things soul society had to offer._

_"Kisuke?" he tried anyway, as his friend turned to jump back down to the street._

_"Tsk tsk, we have a job to do, try to focus," Urahara said cheerfully despite the brittleness of his voice._

XXXX

In the aftermath of Aizen's incarceration Urahara stalked toward his own Senkaimon, robed in his old reiatsu cloak and carrying one of his more…efficient weapons. There was little chance of him getting out of soul society again, zero chance if he succeeded in what he was planning but then he didn't intend to.

He was tired of the guilt. Tired of the only things he was good at, showcasing the worst parts of his nature. Tired of C46's hypocrisy, which seemed little deterred by Aizen's massacre of the last batch of idiots.

He had told no one where he was going or why, that would be obvious soon enough. Even as amoral as he was, he felt bad about not leaving a note or something, but if he did they'd try to stop him, and even if they failed they could very well ruin his plan.

He knew what would happen, Tessai would swear that he could have done something, blame himself for not doing it, whatever he decided _it_ was _._ Yoruichi would be okay after a fashion, she'd mourn and get drunk, remember the good times, get laid and after a week or two she'd move on.

Ururu would be okay too, she'd cry and mourn and then she'd recover, maybe even learn a valuable lesson about the circle of life. Jinta was the one he was most worried about. Jinta would get angry, would simply hate him with everything he had. Properly directed that kind of anger could be useful but…

It also meant that it would mostly fall to Tessai to rein the boy in and Urahara couldn't help feeling like a bit of a dick about that.

He quickly flicked a tear away, angry at himself, he was certain about his decision and he would go out on his own terms, proud of his actions for once in his damn life.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Urahara whipped around at the sound of the last voice he'd been expecting. Ichigo.

"This an' that," he answered playfully, pasting on his best mysterious smile.

"Right you just have a habit of sneaking back into soul society, tricked out with illegal gizmos."

"Well it wouldn't be a secret plan if I told you," Urahara teased, desperate for Ichigo to back off.

"Didn't we just fight a whole war to preserve soul society?"

"As a whole, not C46."

"Aizen already did that, they just replaced them."

"I know but…I have to do something. C46 used you like the cowards they are. I used you _and_ Rukia like the coward _I_ am and I just want to do one thing right in this damn life."

XxXx

Ichigo stared hat and clog's sounded like he was about to cry and more shockingly none of that made a lick of sense. Urahara might be insane and manipulative and a hundred other things but he was always rational even if the rationale was 'it amused me'.

"What the fuck?" it seemed the most intelligent thing to ask.

"I've made my choice," Urahara replied firmly.

"What choice? Don't you see this isn't going to change anything."

"It will change me."

"No it will give you an out. The rest of us still have to keep fighting. "

Urahara gave him a defiant look despite the tears in his eyes.

"You really want to flip the Seireitei off? Keep fighting. You have any idea how fucking annoying you are? Be the wildcard, the thorn in their side."

"I'm tired."

"We all are. You do this, you're just proving you're a coward."

"I'm okay with that. I won't be alive to care," Urahara said with a smile.

Ichigo punched him, a solid right hook that made his powerless arm ache and didn't even turn the man's head. So he punched him again with his left.

"You selfish piece of shit."

"What?"

"I gave up everything for you people and now you're abandoning me?"

"It's not…"

Ichigo talked over him, "I have to live as nothing, I can't protect my friends, I can't save anyone. I have to live in this useless shell and you still have your friends, your powers and you can't be fucking bothered to stick around? To look after my sister? When I lost everything for you?"

"I-Ichigo…I'm sorry there's nothing…"

"Out of answers?"

"Yes," a tear fell from his eye.

"Then let me give you one. You want a reason to live? To put up with all this bullshit? Here it is: you fucking owe me."

"I hate you," Urahara said handing over the reiatsu cloak.

"It's mutual," Ichigo replied shakily as he watched the shopkeeper close the Senkaimon.


	3. Art of Persuasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. A gift for my pack mate Fractoluminescence (FFN). Takes place After Aizen's defeat.

Ichigo sighed as Karin's harsh gaze locked on his own, daring him to answer Yuzu's innocent question.

'Why work with him if you think he's evil?' had been the question 'he' being Mayuri.

"He's a scientist he...has skills that are useful..." Ichigo ventured swallowing his own bile.

"Hat and clogs has the same skills," Karin hissed venomously. She was strong-willed and surprisingly perceptive. An annoying combination he found. He gave her a 'not helping' look and returned his attention to Yuzu.

"Yes but he...did something bad and was punished."

"So he's like grounded?" Yuzu asked.

Ichigo sighed and nodded, close enough.

"But you said this Mayuri was worse," Karin prodded. Ichigo growled and glared at her.

"Soul Society doesn't agree."

"So punch them until they do," Karin snapped with an unspoken 'duh'.

Ichigo blinked.

"That isn't..." a thought occurred to him." That isn't the way to handle some things but...you may be on to something."

Karin's eyes lit with a fierce battle-glow and Ichigo quickly amended himself, "Not about the punching. Politicians and warriors are different and not all situations can be solved by violence...or should be," he added quickly seeing her doubtful look.

XX

As soon as he could get free, he booked it to Urahara's shop to discus his idea, proud of himself to be the idea guy for a change.

When he showed up he quickly detailed his plan and Urahara simply cuffed him...hard.

"Hey!"

"They won't take me back!"

"I can try to convince them, you totally proved yourself better than him," Ichigo said fervently. A long pause followed.

"I doubt they feel the same but even if you could convince them I'm not interested," Urahara said his voice tight, on the edge of breaking. Ichigo was surprised but pretended not to notice.

"Why? You're perfectly suited to it, hell you created the job."

"Because there's a reason they use Mayuri."

Ichigo stared at him not following.

"They will expect the same from me...I do not wish to be involved in that," Urahara said firmly.

"That's exactly why you have to do it, because you can..." Ichigo searched for the word, "Scam them. You can get the job done...and still do the right thing."

"You place to much faith in me," Urahara said tightly with a forced laughed.

"Maybe...But I think even if you laugh and scheme like people are pieces on a chessboard I feel like...to be girly for a sec...I think you feel for their loss. I feel like you grieve your choices even if you never show it and that makes a difference."

"Not really except maybe to make me less efficient."

"It makes you try to save people where you can."

"It makes me not want the job," Urahara snapped.

Ichigo lost patience, "You'd let people die, rot in vats of acid, forced into kamikaze attacks, used as test subject for every fucked up torture machine he devises just to keep your conscience clean?"

Urahara's expression took on a thoughtful look and he rested a finger against his chin.

Ichigo waited straining not show triumph or eagerness.

"Yep."

"Coward!"

"Yep."

Despite the jaunty answer Ichigo caught a flicker of fear in the scientist's eyes.

"What are you so scared of?"

Urahara said nothing.

Ichigo's eyes widened, "You won't turn into him."

Urahara closed his eyes and when he opened them again they carried the implacable will they'd held when he'd fought Aizen.

"Yes I will."

"Even if that was true and I don't for a second think it is, you would still be the lesser of evils."

"I think I liked you better before I got you interested in philosophy."

"Would you fucking stop it!"

Urahara blinked and Ichigo pressed his advantage, "Stop fucking making a joke out of everything I'm serious. If you could save even ten people or gave a few a merciful death instead of torture then it's your duty to do it."

Urahara gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes and reminded Ichigo more of Aizen, than of anything he'd ever seen on the shop keeper's face.

"Since when have I cared for that?" the light tone didn't match that smile in the least and a cold feeling flowed through Ichigo.

Ichigo swallowed anger and fear and tried to think though his reply, "You always have. You've always helped people even when they spat in your face." he dipped his head in acknowledgement that he'd been one of those.

"To serve my own ends."

"Bullshit."

"Really?" that arctic smile again.

"Yeah not to say you didn't achieve things for yourself but I've never seen you let an innocent be hurt if you could stop it."

Urahara opened his mouth then closed it, the smile faltered and his shoulders slumped.

"Then imagine what that job would do to me," he whispered.

"What the fuck does it matter if you can save people?"

"Out," Urahara's eyes were frozen steel the word granite hard and without inflection.

"What?"

"Get. Out."

Ichigo did, in haste.

XXX

Urahara slammed the door shut behind him and stalked down to his lab before slamming and locking that door as well. He sank down, back resting against the door and crossed his arms. He exhaled a shaky breath and drew in another. A sob broke free then another. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door sobbing for his shame, his fear, his anger at himself and Soul Society and the universe at large. And lastly he sobbed for his guilt past and future. Lord knew it would probably be his last chance. And for all the guilt he bore he spared a thought for the maggot's nest prisoner who's worst instincts he's indulged like encouraging a junkie. He'd been proud of himself for that one, finding a use for the outcasts. He buried his face in his knees, even though the lab was sound proof.

Two days later he opened the door to find a sheepish looking Ichigo.

"Hey so uh..." Ichigo rubbed a hand through his hair.

"You talked to C46," Urahara said.

"Uh yeah...they said the jobs your's if you accept," Ichigo said obviously trying not to show his surprise that Urahara knew.

He smirked, "You can be...persuasive."

"God why's everyone always think I'm only good at violence we just _talked_ ," Ichigo said misinterpreting the statement as Urahara had mostly intended.

Urahara laughed.

"So...is there any chance you'll reconsider?"

"Yeah in fact let's leave now," Urahara said, maintaining a straight face despite Ichigo's hilarious expression.

"Oh man...really?" Ichigo looked at him suspiciously and Urahara nodded. "That's...see it was mostly a pride thing so I had to sort of tell them that you were begging to come back and..."

"You had no plan b?"

Ichigo said nothing.

"Idiot!"

"Well it worked didn't it?"

Urahara nodded bitterly as they headed to the senkaimon .

"Thanks."

"No problem." Persuasive son of a bitch.


	4. Life's a Daiquiri (1/2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. 
> 
> Written as a gift (part 1 of 2) for GanymedeLullaby99 who writes a diverse array of bleach and DBZ fics and Nekromika who writes utterly brutal pieces, primarily of the Ichi/shinji and UraIchi variety. Go check them out and be sure to review. 
> 
> Alternate title: 'Ichigo's reaction to three of the many times Urahara betrayed him' 
> 
> Warnings: Ichigo has a foul mouth. Implied, one-sided yaoi nothing graphic. 
> 
> Written to: 'Sociopath' by STeLOUSE and 'Play with Fire' by Sam Tinnesz. 
> 
> Inspired by: Unintentionally by my packmate TheDrunkenWerewolf's 'heirverse' series, whose plot I accidentally ripped off. Basically if you like this and like Ai/Gin go to her page pronto and read 'game' or 'can we survive this'

I

"Why The fuck didn't you just fucking tell me?" Ichigo yelled.

Urahara opened his mouth to reply but didn't get a chance.

"It's four words: Rukia. Is. The. Hogyoku. Dumbfuck. Five words." It was his own fault of course for trusting the creep Goddamn he'd been so stupid and why? Because he'd been desperate. Because he'd been impressed by Urahara's confidence and knowledge. The bastard was charismatic, he had to give him that. So was Aizen.

"It all worked out." Urahara said smiled. "Drink?"

Ichigo stared for a moment, thought about returning to his tirade then realized that nothing he said was going to mean jack shit to the sociopath in front of him. With a growl he stalked out of the shop, slammed the door behind him and pulled his collar up against the rain.

Urahara sighed and set about making a daiquiri. Somewhere along the line his perfect plan had developed a snag. It'd been a good plan: save the golden boy, train the boy, pull the strings, save soul society from his pet WMD and stick a finger in C46's eye at the same time. Falling in love hadn't been included. Which was for the best. Had it been part of the plan, it'd have been a much different plan, one that wouldn't end with Ichigo dead or hating him. One that would probably have failed.

Now he was a third of the way done, the hate train had already left the building, he would soon be pushing Ichigo toward a likely death and it would be a hell of a lot easier if he didn't care.

The door slammed open.

Urahara schooled his expression into the standard one. Mysterious smile check, a bit of amusement check, hat shielding his eyes check. He turned to face Yoruichi.

"Celebrating Ichigo's recovery?" Yoruichi jumped to sit on the back of the couch, grinning.

"Yeah." He raised his drink.

"Cool, grab me one."

Urahara turned around to pour Yoruichi's drink. It was good to know everyone's drink, helpful for information gathering. Even if it wasn't his habit though Yoruichi's was easy enough to remember. Irish whisky straight no ice or cuba libre with a light rum.

He brought her a glass with three fingers of Jameson and Yoruichi took it with a smile.

"I'll be damned you actually pulled it off."

"You doubted me?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I've seen your track record." She laughed.

He let out a slight breath, that'd hit like a punch. "Hey I always fix what I break." Well not Mayuri. His two greatest regrets, the Hogyoku and Mayuri. He supposed he'd probably wind up adding Ichigo to that list one way or another.

Yoruichi snorted. "Seriously though, much as I hate to feed your ego that went off better then you could've hoped why aren't you happy?"

"I am." he smiled broadly.

Yoruichi gave him her 'Don't lie to me' look.

He shrugged. "We're not done yet. I'm just enjoying half time."

"There's more to it." Her eyes narrowed.

"Just tired." _of fucking up everything I touch._

She nodded unconvinced.

"To the great game." He raised his glass.

"Have fun while it lasts." Yoruichi finished the toast.

II

Ichigo wasn't sure why he was even surprised. Of course Urahara had created the Hogyoku. Why the fuck not. He caused every other problem in Ichigo's life. hot tears of betrayal welled in his eyes anyway, but he angrily blinked them back. Goddamn. He stalked up to Urahara's shop and kicked in the door. Urahara's eyes widened.

"Yeah you should be scared!"

"Scared why?" The bastard actually sounded confused. "I'm surprised. And rather concerned for my door but for myself, Nah."

"Because you're the cause of all this fucking shit."

He did a good impression of innocence, twirling his cane in a loose grip. "Whatever do you mean?"

Ichigo grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close.

Urahara gasped. "There are children in the room."

"I got no problem kicking your ass in front of them."

"Oh...well you can see how I got the wrong impression."

He realized that he'd pulled Urahara until they were almost nose to nose and was glaring up at him as though...Ichigo shoved him away, face burning.

Urahara laughed. "That's an impressive blush."

"Fuck you."

Urahara shook his head. "tsk tsk, well which is it? You're sending very mixed signals."

Ichigo wanted to crawl into a hole before remembering that he hated the man. "Go on make your little jokes, what do I care you sick bastard? This whole fucking thing is your fault."

Urahara shrugged. "True, but what's done is done."

Ichigo threw himself at Urahara. It felt like he'd been shot in the chest. For a moment frozen in time he was in mid air Urahara's cane slammed into his breast bone, then he was flying through the air to slam the wall. He fell to the ground, all air knocked out of him and scrambled to his feet.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Urahara said calmly as Ichigo made to attack again.

Ichigo ignored him and the next thing he knew he was face down on the floor, a sword point tickling his spine.

"I'd rather not hurt you."

Ichigo laughed bitterly. "That's rich since you're risking my life every five minutes."

The sword disappeared. "You don't have to do it."

Ichigo laughed again as he rose, trying to hide how sore his ribs and back were. "Ah but you fixed that didn't you? Made sure I couldn't say no."

Urahara shrugged again. "I did what I had to."

Ichigo almost attacked him again but then all the anger and energy left him. What was the point, even if he beat the shit out of Urahara, he'd still have to face Aizen. And he cared about Urahara somehow, despite all the bullshit. The man had saved his life after all.

He shook his head. "You know what the difference between you and Aizen is?"

Urahara flicked out his fan and fluttered it in front of his face, a parody of the coy girl. "I have more Charm, better looks—"

"You're as bad as he is, but at least he has a goal. You do it for fun." With that Ichigo left through the now door-less entryway.

As soon as he was gone Urahara closed his eyes, a couple of tears escaped with the motion. He brushed them away with the back of his fan hand and took a couple slow, deep breaths. Then he put on a a smile and got back to his job. To-do: Earn redemption, save the world, win Ichigo's heart, sell things, protect the vizards, stay alive. No problem, piece of cake. he bit his lip and drew himself up. Self-pity was no good at all, just take it one step at a time and adjust the plan as needed.

III

"You're going to get her killed." Karin. How could they? After everything he'd done Urahara just tossed him aside and then moved on to his sister like Ichigo's sacrifice meant nothing. Like he wasn't owed something for saving Urahara and soul society's collective asses. It was the ultimate betrayal.

"It's just a stop gap, Isshin's okay with it."

"My dad's incompetent as fuck."

"We're not going to let anything happen to her."

"Go fuck yourself." The fact that he literally had nothing more persuasive than that, no sword or strength to bring to bear in intimidation, hit him like a brick to the face and he bolted like a little kid. It wasn't the stress, he was used to having the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was also used to having soul reaper strength to bear it. That was the problem, had been for months now.

His powers were gone, his final reward for listening to Urahara. He wasn't that dumb, could see the pattern: first Urahara would betray him, then he would offer the solution to the problem he'd created, throw some more responsibility on Ichigo's shoulders and shove him back into the breach. And he followed along like a happy dog looking for treats. Until he broke and Urahara had no more use for him.

Lost in bitter thoughts, he found himself running along the bank of the river that'd started it all. Slowing to a trot he made the way to his tree and sat amid the exposed roots at its base. He leaned against it and let his tears soak into the bark as they had when he was a kid. And so he remained until Urahara showed up ten minutes later.

"You okay?"

Ichigo shied from the too chipper voice and scrubbed at his face. "Fine!"

"Okay. Cause if you weren't. No one would fault you."

Ichigo snorted. "I've got to be okay."

"Yeah win some, lose some, on to the next one, that's the line right? "

"Say's guy who never loses"

"Stop, you'll make me blush," Urahara teased fluttering his fan.

"It's all a joke to you," Ichigo shook his head. "Of course, you just set the scene, pull the strings and we all dance. You don't pay the price, you're not the one who bleeds."

"True enough, " Urahara said and for a moment Ichigo was dumb enough to think that he was going to take this seriously. "I _do_ prefer to stay above the fray...Are you crying?"

"You skate through life without a care in the world. You don't get what it's like to be powerless to fulfill your responsibilities because you have none. And just to rub salt it now you use my sister and I can't do shit about it." He fought back the urge to sob.

Urahara's eyes flashed with anger for a brief second then he sighed. "It's a lot of pressure."

"Thanks for shoving it on me." Ichigo snapped sarcastically.

"You can handle it."

Ichigo gave a choked laugh. "Handle it? It broke me." That admission hurt. The secret he couldn't tell anyone. If felt good to say. "You don't know what it's like! To be useless, to have no value, to not even be able to protect the ones you care about."

Urahara embraced him.

"Fuck off."

"I thought..."

Ichigo flashstepped away. He didn't want to hear it.


End file.
